You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
This is the story of one woman dating 100 men in an effort to find Mr Right

Continued…

Some people might ask why I’m not sleeping with any of these men. The men themselves (some of them, not Man 3) think I’m a tease and that I’m ‘making them wait’ because of some calculated ‘trick’ that is designed to get them to commit.

This opinion seems to be very widely spread. It often goes along with the ‘why shouldn’t women behave like men and get what they want?’ philosophy.

Books like Why Men Love Bitches and The Rules and Dating Without Drama all say that after having sex with a new partner you should try to behave exactly like you did before you had sex with them. “Do not call them or become clingy or hassle them in any way. Men need space at this time and if you give them any clues that you have become attached to them and are going to threaten their freedom, they will run a mile.” That’s not a direct quote but it’s essentially what they all say.

This is all rubbish. The absolute truth of the matter is that women get loaded up to the eyeballs with oxytocin after sex and they’d become very strongly emotionally bonded to the biggest tosser in the world for a short time. So sleeping with a man and then suffering badly when he ‘needs space’ and doesn’t contact you is really putting his needs before yours.

The most dignified and safe way to conduct yourself and to keep your own best interests at heart is to NOT sleep with a man until you are sure he cares about you and that you can at least be real enough with each other to not have to play games afterwards. I’m not talking major commitment, even friendship will do. Sleeping with men who you’re unsure about and whose motives you have any hint of doubt about is foolish and one of the worst things about the attitude of our society. More women get hurt by this than anything else.

Women keep on sleeping with men, thinking they’re in control, then trying to deny the horrible feelings they get every time after they’ve done it! Women have to pretend they feel alright about it all because they’re behaving in the modern socially acceptable way. I’m sorry loves, but you’re not men and you’re always going to wake up feeling a strong bond with him – even if he’s a prat. And then he won’t call you and it will hurt like hell. So don’t do it.

Anyway that’s why I’m not jumping into bed with them all.

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
This is the story of one woman dating 100 men in an effort to find Mr Right

I think a quick day-by-day description of events needs to be written before I go on to my main topic (sex!). I think I might have to do two posts today.

I wrote my last blog entry about my feelings for the fat scouser (Man no 7) last Monday. That night I got some quite raunchy text messages from him. I replied with good humour but when they started to to get more and more explicit I asked him to slow down.

Tuesday
He rang me and apologised, but then asked: “But did you like it?”

Wednesday
No contact, but I went out with Man No 3 (remember him? The one that is now my friend who has a girlfriend).

Thursday
Went out to dinner with Fat Scouser. Things were OK at first but then he kept on asking me how long I was going to make him wait before I’d go to bed with him. We arranged to go out at the weekend. Then towards the end of the night, when he’d worked out that I wasn’t going to be a push-over, he said: “I’m not sure about Saturday now. I’ve got a leaving do that I have to make an appearance at and I just feel like being by myself. I’m free midweek next week though.” So I was relegated from weekend girl to midweek girl. Says a lot.

Friday
Man No 3 (friend) came around and we went out for drinks. I told him about Fat scouser and everything that had happened and he seriously warned me off him. While we were out Fat scouser started to send me a run of obscene texts, including one that demanded I let him get a cab round to my house and sleep with him or he was going to ‘cop off’ with the ‘apocolypse of girls’ he’d already been snogging that night. This seriously threw water on the flames of my desire! Ew! What a prat!

Then things took a strange turn. Man No 3 (friend) was leaving and he hugged me and gave me a peck on the lips goodnight and one of those movie moments happened and we launched ourselves at each other and started kissing passionately at my front gate.

(I LOVE this life).

He left and sent me an apology by text.

Saturday
I sent Fat Scouser (No 7) a text (it’s all he deserved) saying I didn’t want to see him again.

Sunday
Man No 3 (more than friend?) came round to ‘explain’ and to say he was sorry and that he felt bad and wanted to make sure I was ok. He also said he was confused about his feelings as he’d always liked me, but now he had a girlfriend. I cried all over him because the snog had ‘woken me up’ to him. (But I’ve got a grip now).

It’s like a soapy, isn’t it?

I’ve got to know him well and he’s one of the kindest, most considerate people I’ve ever met. The outcome was that we’d stay friends and try to remain in control of ourselves.

Hmmm…

Time will tell in this storyline.

Once one of my friends bought me a Mr Men Book called “Little Miss Fickle”. I’ve only just realised the power of her insight into my psyche! I’m flitting about like I don’t know what – but it’s such good fun.

The more and more I get into being single, the less and less I want a serious relationship.