You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

I’m enjoying this ‘project’. It’s become really interesting and I love an experiment. Last time I did anything similar to this (years ago) it came out like a comedy and everything was really funny. I was a bit worried that this time it’s not. This time the tone is more sober and philosophical. I don’t want to try to force myself into making it funny. Maybe it is, but you’re laughing at me and not with me!

I’ve been thinking about what I’m looking for. I haven’t written down a list of essential qualities. But I do have a list in my head.

Important things are:
Masculinity and that, to me, means being self-assured, I suppose.
Generosity.
Morals.
Intelligence.

This is really difficult.

This bit is embarrassing:
I’m really drawn to the anarchist or radical. Those men with the ‘freedom fighter’ quality. I find it singularly the most attractive thing any man could ever possess – a passion for fighting for justice and a deep feeling and commitment to some cause or other, usually political, usually for the rights of others. People like Mark Thomas and John Pilger are ideal (although Mark's married and John, might be a tad old for me now).

Last night I saw a bit of a really rubbish programme on TV - one of those ‘100 best… whatever' ones. It was 100 best stand-up comedians. I was just flicking through channels when the ads came on and I saw Bill Hicks – and I thought: “Now HIM, I’d never get tired of.” Also, Che Guevara was the most attractive man who ever lived. Check him out:

So my ideal men are all married, old or dead.

I’m making myself laugh now with my list of ‘requirements’. Short it may be but probably impossible to find all in one man. It’s just a part of this experiment really, and I’m really very aware that I’m being stupid – that when I meet someone, they’re not going to be anything like what I’m looking for. Love isn’t that precise.

I went out with date number 5 again yesterday. He’s very nice. We went for a long walk and I bought him lunch. Although he does have some of these qualities, I don’t think we’ve got much in common. I am trying not to rush through all of these men without really thinking about who they are, but I really don’t think No5 is the one for me. I think maybe he thought the same yesterday as his texting has slowed right down and he seems less keen.

I’m glad about that.