You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince...
I had a really nice time last night with date number 5. I'm not sure what I think of him yet. I'm finding it really hard to form an opinion. He took me out for dinner and insisted on walking me home. He was very much a gentleman - he held my hand on the way home and he kissed me goodnight.
In the restaurant, I was sitting opposite him. I was looking at him and listening to him and all the time my mind was making computations about him, asking questions, judging him. But what was I basing my judgements on? Whose eyes am I looking through?
There's a well known experiment, done in the 60s I think. University students were to test the negative reinforcements of learning. They were asked to administer an electric shock to a fellow volunteer whenever they answered a question incorrectly. The students were to increase the voltage of the shock to see whether learning speed could be improved by a bigger jolt. All of the volunteers recieving the shocks were actors and no shocks were really given. One of the students was also an actor and if he increased the shocks so would all the others. If he refused to give the shocks, so did everyone else. But they followed the leader and the students were willing to increase the shock to the point it would have killed the volunteers.
What I'm trying to say is that it's human nature to want to conform - if we'd do it to the point of killing someone, it must be quite a strong instinct. So when I was looking at Date No5 last night was I looking through my own eyes or calculating what other people in my life would think of him? And if I was doing that, how was it colouring my judgement?
I'd like to think I form my own independent opinions based on my own wants and needs. But isn't one of those needs to fit in with my friends and family? How much is this 'calculating' spoiling my chances of meeting someone? Do I want the same thing as my friends and family want for me? I wonder if my list of requirements is too long and if anyone can live up to it?
If I've got this list of requirements and so has 'he', the chances of a match might be quite low. As I get to the end of this 100 men trial, will I start to lower my standards? Will I settle? It's made me think about arranged marriages. That must be easier - the choice is taken away from you and you have to learn to see the positives and become blind to the negatives.
I don't think I found date number 5 attractive enough. I did at first - he was all smiley and crinkly eyed, but the attraction waned as I got to know him because there was too much small talk (my fault as well!) and he was trying to please me and so wasn't relaxed enough to be himself.
I wonder when the tables will turn. I'm having my ego stroked and if things carry on this way round any longer, I'm going to have to start buying very large hats.
2007-03-17 @ 13:06