You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
This is the story of one woman dating 100 men in an effort to find Mr Right

I wonder what motivates us when we're attracted to someone. I mean, I know we've discussed looking through other people's eyes and all that, but I wonder how our view of ourselves affects our choices. Also, are our choices affected by our level of confidence? As, for most normal people, confidence waxes and wanes. So if you're in a lower-confidence period, does it mean you're vulnerable to choosing men who aren't suitable to you when your confidence returns?

Not that I've got low confidence levels, but I've had a bit of an ego bruising from my last relationship, which ended in November and I'm wondering if I've been accepting dates with men that I normally wouldn't consider. That sounds arrogant, but it's not meant to be because I'm talking individual taste here and not saying that anyone is not worthy or anything like that.

I've been lucky so far in that I've been able to build up my ego again because the five men I have been out with have 'liked' me more than I've 'liked' them. But I think that's all about to change. Eeek!

I've just found Man No6 and I'm scared already. It's made me think I might have been subconsciously punching below my weight, if you know what I mean. Maybe I was choosing safe men?

Man No6 is atractive, articulate and intelligent and really sure of himself. Also he's older than me and I'm used to dating much younger men. He contacted me through an internet dating site and I've only seen his photo and spoken to him on the phone so far, but I found myself feeling nervous five minutes into the call and I felt the urge to impress him.

We're going to have to put the lid on that!

We talked for a long time and we can't meet up for a couple of weeks because I'm going away. But he did say before he put the phone down: "You'd better not fall in love in the next two weeks because I'm going to be very dissappointed if you do."

How exciting!

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
This is the story of one woman dating 100 men in an effort to find Mr Right

Went on date number four with Number 3 and all went well. We just had drinks and I got a bit drunk and mentioned the money thing in a round about way. I arranged to see him again on Saturday.

Date number five with Number 3 started with him picking me up from my house. He'd bought me flowers. He said: "I'm sorry for being slack on the wooing side of things."

Althought I was aware that he was behaving differently because of what I'd said to him, all was lovely and he took me for dinner.

It all went downhill from there. He made it obvious that I couldn't have a starter or a pudding and tried to steer me towards the cheaper main courses.

I don't think there's any future in it. Generosity is a very important value to me - one that I'm not prepared to compromise on. This may sound ungrateful, but I really appreciate the effort he went to. I don't think I'm right and he's wrong. I just think it is a genuine clash of values.

People who are careful with money make me feel bad about myself because it forces me to be careful, too. Being with them makes me start counting up every penny - because I know that careful people will take advantage - which goes against my nature. He needs someone equally as careful as himself.

Also I did find him really attractive but his attitude about money has taken that away and I found that the attraction had gone.

I don't want to hurt him and now have to extricate myself very gently and kindly.

This is the hard part.

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
This is the story of one woman dating 100 men in an effort to find Mr Right

I'm off out with Date No3 tonight (our fourth date). I'm looking forward to it which is a good sign. I'm not convinced he's right for me, but he has so many good points. He's quite funny. EVERYTHING he says is interesting. He makes me feel like I'm interesting and beautiful. He's a great snog. He's got great morals (hasn't tried to get me into bed yet!). He's got nice eyes. Not media attractive, but I think he's cute.

He sounds like a catch, doesn't he?

Well there is a catch, but it's not him. I've got a thing about generosity and he's a bit funny with money. From what I've seen so far, he's really into counting every penny and he'll make sure I pay exactly half (or more!) when we're out. He hangs back when paying time comes. He also seems like a bit of a waster, job-wise. I'm still not sure if he's actually got one. Not that there's anything wrong with being genuinely unemployed - I just prefer men with some ambition and purpose (especially if its a noble purpose).

I've had two boyfriends who are funny with money before and I really don't want to do it again. One of my exes was so tight that when he moved out he made sure he got exactly half of everything - including half a packet of washing powder, which he emptied into a carrier bag.

One more on the minus side is that No 3 doesn't 'take me out'. We just go to the pub and I don't feel like it's a date. He seems really keen on me - so surely he should have whisked me off out to a romantic dinner by now? I'm sure he would if I asked. But I don't want to have to ask. My last long-term (yes, one of the tight ones) was so passive that I had to organise everything (and usually pay for it too), so I've had my fingers burned with that type, you see.

I'm going out with Date No 3 one more time with the hope that I'm wrong in my judgements. Hoping the positves will outweigh the negatives.

Wish me luck. I'd better get me purse out!

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
This is the story of one woman dating 100 men in an effort to find Mr Right

I've had a look at some other dating blogs and I'm a bit surprised. Most of the others are about how weight has to be lost, hair has to be done, and improvements have to be made so that the said datee will think well of date. I have to admit, it didn't occur to me to worry about whether these 100 men will like me. My only thought has been will I like them?

I'm no supermodel, but I don't want to change anything about myself to suit anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I love make-up and having my hair done and wearing nice clothes and I know that these are all about image and what other people think - but I think if I began to get anxious and neurotic about it instead of enjoying my 'look' as a sort of material possession, I'd come across as ugly even if I looked like Kate Moss!

This isn't to say I'm not sympathetic with those women who are anxious about this sort of thing - it's often hard to avoid because it's drummed into our heads that all we are is what we look like. But I choose to see this as oppression and I'll fight it until the day I die!

Being self-assured will make you attractive even if you look like a monkey. Being neurotic and insecure will make you unattractive even if you ARE Kate Moss.

Mind you, that's easy for me to say as the attraction hasn't switched round to 'I like him but he doesn't like me' yet, which might change my confident outlook and I'll be a gibbering wreck. But you have to ask yourself why it hasn't switched round, and as I do look more like the monkey than Kate, it's probably about attitude rather than weight/hair/clothes/beauty.

My advice to any woman on any decent dating spree would be to stop looking back in at yourself through your date's eyes and look outwards at him. Do you like him? That's what matters - eveything else is out of your control.

I've got myself into a bit of a spot with my dates. I haven't got date number 6 lined up yet for this week, but I'm going out with date number 4 again (fourth time) on Wedensday, because I do get on well with him. Date number 5 was 'playing it cool' and hadn't cooled off as I'd imagined. Now he wants to take me out again on Friday - but I don't want to go. We've got nothing in common. I'm going to have to write one of those 'Dear John' letters and I'm dreading it. I hate doing that.

I'm off to trawl Tinternet for date No 6.

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

I’m enjoying this ‘project’. It’s become really interesting and I love an experiment. Last time I did anything similar to this (years ago) it came out like a comedy and everything was really funny. I was a bit worried that this time it’s not. This time the tone is more sober and philosophical. I don’t want to try to force myself into making it funny. Maybe it is, but you’re laughing at me and not with me!

I’ve been thinking about what I’m looking for. I haven’t written down a list of essential qualities. But I do have a list in my head.

Important things are:
Masculinity and that, to me, means being self-assured, I suppose.
Generosity.
Morals.
Intelligence.

This is really difficult.

This bit is embarrassing:
I’m really drawn to the anarchist or radical. Those men with the ‘freedom fighter’ quality. I find it singularly the most attractive thing any man could ever possess – a passion for fighting for justice and a deep feeling and commitment to some cause or other, usually political, usually for the rights of others. People like Mark Thomas and John Pilger are ideal (although Mark's married and John, might be a tad old for me now).

Last night I saw a bit of a really rubbish programme on TV - one of those ‘100 best… whatever' ones. It was 100 best stand-up comedians. I was just flicking through channels when the ads came on and I saw Bill Hicks – and I thought: “Now HIM, I’d never get tired of.” Also, Che Guevara was the most attractive man who ever lived. Check him out:

So my ideal men are all married, old or dead.

I’m making myself laugh now with my list of ‘requirements’. Short it may be but probably impossible to find all in one man. It’s just a part of this experiment really, and I’m really very aware that I’m being stupid – that when I meet someone, they’re not going to be anything like what I’m looking for. Love isn’t that precise.

I went out with date number 5 again yesterday. He’s very nice. We went for a long walk and I bought him lunch. Although he does have some of these qualities, I don’t think we’ve got much in common. I am trying not to rush through all of these men without really thinking about who they are, but I really don’t think No5 is the one for me. I think maybe he thought the same yesterday as his texting has slowed right down and he seems less keen.

I’m glad about that.

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince...

I had a really nice time last night with date number 5. I'm not sure what I think of him yet. I'm finding it really hard to form an opinion. He took me out for dinner and insisted on walking me home. He was very much a gentleman - he held my hand on the way home and he kissed me goodnight.

In the restaurant, I was sitting opposite him. I was looking at him and listening to him and all the time my mind was making computations about him, asking questions, judging him. But what was I basing my judgements on? Whose eyes am I looking through?

There's a well known experiment, done in the 60s I think. University students were to test the negative reinforcements of learning. They were asked to administer an electric shock to a fellow volunteer whenever they answered a question incorrectly. The students were to increase the voltage of the shock to see whether learning speed could be improved by a bigger jolt. All of the volunteers recieving the shocks were actors and no shocks were really given. One of the students was also an actor and if he increased the shocks so would all the others. If he refused to give the shocks, so did everyone else. But they followed the leader and the students were willing to increase the shock to the point it would have killed the volunteers.

What I'm trying to say is that it's human nature to want to conform - if we'd do it to the point of killing someone, it must be quite a strong instinct. So when I was looking at Date No5 last night was I looking through my own eyes or calculating what other people in my life would think of him? And if I was doing that, how was it colouring my judgement?

I'd like to think I form my own independent opinions based on my own wants and needs. But isn't one of those needs to fit in with my friends and family? How much is this 'calculating' spoiling my chances of meeting someone? Do I want the same thing as my friends and family want for me? I wonder if my list of requirements is too long and if anyone can live up to it?

If I've got this list of requirements and so has 'he', the chances of a match might be quite low. As I get to the end of this 100 men trial, will I start to lower my standards? Will I settle? It's made me think about arranged marriages. That must be easier - the choice is taken away from you and you have to learn to see the positives and become blind to the negatives.

I don't think I found date number 5 attractive enough. I did at first - he was all smiley and crinkly eyed, but the attraction waned as I got to know him because there was too much small talk (my fault as well!) and he was trying to please me and so wasn't relaxed enough to be himself.

I wonder when the tables will turn. I'm having my ego stroked and if things carry on this way round any longer, I'm going to have to start buying very large hats.

One of the things I've noticed about dating is the curious way that attraction blanaces out - or rather doesn't balance out. If you go out with someone, you either really like them and they don't like you or they really like you and you don't like them. Either way, you have a problem.

I have to admit that tonight's date is my fourth in this 100 men saga (fifth if you count the one that didn't turn up!) - I only had the idea to do this four dates in. So far, the balance has tipped 'my way' and they've liked me. And it's not that I haven't liked any of them exactly - it's just that they were somehow wrong for me. Am I being too fussy? Do I expect too much?

I don't know. I realise that women have been fed this vision of a Jane Austen Hero that doesn't exist and I might be on a search for a fictional character, but I don't think so - although there are some qualities that I really do think are important in a man. Equally, I'm sure men are looking for their own values wrapped in the shape of their ideal woman (and for a man, the shape is likely to be as important as the values - for some men even more so!).

OK, here's a brief history of the last four (five?) dates:

Date 0: I met him at a Valentines ball. He was tall and good looking. I kind of threw myself at him because I'd had near to a whole bottle of red wine and my judgement was a bit skewed. I'm normally much more of a lady than that! Anyway, he was popular and women kept coming up to him but he really impressed me by dealing with them like a gentleman and being polite, but each time, he would reach back and touch my hand to let me know that he was with me.

Unfortunately that's as far as his manners went because he asked me if he could take me out to dinner during the week, phoned me three times on the day saying he had a terrible hangover but that he would pick me up at 7pm - and then he didn't turn up.

Date 1: I met on the Inetrnet in an international general chat site. We were talking about some political issue or other and he asked me where I lived. It turned out that we live within 10 minutes walk of each other - which is an amazing coincidence and I did start to wonder about fate. We exchanged photos and arranged to meet for Sunday lunch.

When we met I realised that he'd sent me a photo of himself that was at least 15 years old - he admitted he had. I decided to ignore this, but he was very negative and seemed very unhappy with is life. Oher than that I really liked him and we are going out again, but I've made it clear that I don't want to be with him in 'that way'.

Date 2: Was someone I knew at school who asked me out in the pub one night. To cut a long story short, he didn'task me one question and didn't really respond to anything I said. I felt compelled to question him to keep the conversation going and I felt like I was Jeremy Paxman or someone. It was very boring and very difficult. Shame - as physically I was very attracted to him.

Date 3: Lovely boy. We got on so well that the whole evening flew by. I went out with him twice more. He let me arrange everything - gave me the power, though. I had to decide where we were going and he let me go to the bar first and when we went to the cinema, he hung back and let me pay for the tickets. Now, I really am the last person to take the piss and I'm certainly no gold digger but I'm a woman! I might be a feminist but to me that means equality and a woman's role being as important as a man's, not a woman becoming a man. It didn't seem very grown up. I'd have made sure, if he had bought the tickets that I'd have got the drinks and food and bought him something else - but I don't want to take the masculine role. Some women might - I don't. I think he was too careful with money.

Date 5: That's tonight. Watch this space.

I realise that this is going to be filtered through my brain and it might seem one sided - as these men aren't able to tell their side of the story. I don't know everything. I'm far from perfect and I might be doing loads of things wrong on these dates. But all I can do here is a sort of 'dating critique' - as if I'm a film critic or something but for dates.

So far, though, as I've said, the balance of attraction has tipped in my favour apart from the one that didn't turn up. The difficulty I've had is rejecting people. I don't like to damage people's egos (and that's all it can be after such a short time - I mean, I'm hardly breaking hearts). I find it very difficult. If anyone's got any tips?

I might fall for this guy tonight, he might hate me - and justice will be done.

...and they also say that it's more difficult for a single woman in her 40s to find a partner than a woman in her 20s. Statistics prove this, aparrently.

Well I'm 42, single, and am here to show that the only reason that it is ever difficult to get anything that you want is if you believe that it's difficult - if you believe the statistics.

I am about to go on a mission - a dating spree. An adventure in finding love. And I'm going to share that adventure with you. Over the next 100 weeks, I'm going to date 100 men and I'm going to tell you all about each date - how I met them, what they were like, why they were right or wrong for me, how I felt and if they're likely to be my soul mate or not. All names will be kept confidential, and all identifying material will be removed.

This is not just for women in their 40s but this is for anyone who sits back and lets themselves be told what they can and can't do. This is for people who don't want to just sit back and let life happen to them. This is for you.

Why one hundred men? Why not? I can't just sit here and wait for my soul mate to turn up. He's not going to knock on my door in the middle of EastEnders and carry me off into the sunset. I have to go out and look for him.

Feel free to join me on my journey and if you have any tips, please do post them.